Thursday, September 29, 2011

School Projects Are Dumb

A week or so before the start of this school year, a letter was delivered to our house announcing that Shortcake had been chosen to participate in the 2nd grade accelerated/enrichment program for reading and math. We were - and are - extremely proud of her for the hard work she puts forth during the school day, and maybe admittedly a little surprised that she qualified for the program especially for math (example: five minutes after opening the letter she turned to me and asked: "What's 4+4?"). As her parents we had to sign a permission form indicating that we agreed to enroll her in the program. The only hesitation presented by The General was this: "Does this mean more homework?". Which is the perfect segue into the next paragraph.

This afternoon Shortcake got out her homework and handed me a sheet of paper. "I have to pick one of these to do for A/E," she explained. Scanning the grid, I noticed eight options for extending their lesson on space. Let me give you a sampling of the activities my daughter has to choose from with my inner dialog commentary in parenthesis:

1. Read a book from the library about space and tell a friend about it. (So easy. Please choose this one. 20 minute time commitment tops with limited need for my direct involvement.)

2. Give an oral report to your class about your astronaut. (She's been talking in complete sentences since she was 18 months old. She was born for oral reports. Please choose this one.)

3. Make a 3D model of outer space. (Oh, dear God, no. Any of them but this one. I'm having flashbacks to my fifth grade state mobile project, and it's not a happy place.)

4. Write a short story about a dog from outer space. (What a perfect opportunity to fine tune her writing abilities. Creative writing clearly runs in the family so she could knock that one out in no time.)

5. Use to make a word search of space words for your class (Yes. Winner winner chicken dinner. Five minutes and we're done. Make it happen, Shortcake).*

I will give you ten seconds and one guess as to which one she is adamant on completing by Monday morning.

The metamorphosis into a bonafide fully official mom should be complete sometime this weekend as I'm covered in paper mache up to my elbows, my mouth is spewing forth words not suitable for a child's sensitive ears, and I'm cursing the luck of spawning a smart kid. And just a quick straw poll: Do we include Pluto as a planet? It just feels wrong to leave it out.

School projects are so, so dumb. Holla atcha sista, MC!

*She did this one too. Just for fun, certainly not to turn in as the assignment. I see the Nerd Herd gaining a new member very, very soon.


Anonymous said...

Bubba already had to do a leaf collection project...he got bored after doing about 3 leaves and Grandma and I finished it at the kitchen table in Dwight. We even had the various seeds, pinecones, etc. etc that went with the leaves. Mom and I did well, he got 15/15. I hate projects already too! And Lord knows I'm not that creative...
JD in GC

Anonymous said...

I think the 0hio mobil sounds a lot easier!

She'll probably want to grow plants for Science Fair too!

Mom/Gramma Poke

The MC said...

You're a better mom than me -- I would have said no way to that choice!

The Page Turner said...

I would have bribed my children with some type of reward to write the story. By the time I finished talking to them they would have thought they happily picked what I wanted them to do.

KelNosz said...

I chuckle when I read your posts about Shortcake because our July '04 kiddos sound so much alike. :)


Lori said...

You have an incredible memory...that mobile project from 5th grade has never crossed my mind for any reason for the last, oh, 20 years. Thanks for the flashback.

Tina said...

You mean to tell me they don't just play the Oregon Trail in enrichment classes anymore?


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