Thursday, February 17, 2011

Half Marathon Mini-Breakthrough/Revelation No. Two

There is no room for vanity in the sport of long distance running.

Despite all the cute outfits and sporty shoes and plethora of sweet accessories, when it comes right down to it there's really nothing glamorous about running. I suppose for those short distance people, there's room for some bling and sparkle (Gold shoes, diamond earrings, and fancy nails FTW!), but for those who are dedicated to the idea of endurance running you have to be willing to throw all your pride out the window in the name of achieving greatness. I mean, I don't exactly flaunt my post-run bright red sweat soaked face as an everyday look if I can help it, you know?

I've learned over the years that it is not unusual to witness or experience any of the following when you or someone you love is participating in this sport:

  • loss of toenails
  • nips that bleed
  • unabashed snot rockets
  • frequent spitting

All completely gross, none considered desirable. But as an athlete you do what you have to do and suffer the consequences as they come. One side effect that I was not aware of though - before today anyway - is that it is completely possible to lose your underwear while running. As Punkin likes to say: AWKWARD! This is a family blog so I won't go into details, but let me just tell you this. Hip huggers are more than capable of not-all-that-slowly working their way down well below the hips making for a very uncomfortable situation halfway into a run. Even in my tiny, remote community of 400 residents it's not easy to find a secluded location to properly rectify this particular situation so I'd just like to throw out a quick apology to any homeowners between Lacey and Judson Streets who may be unintentionally witnessed anything that may have appeared indecent as I ran by your house. Sorry 'bout that!

Note to self: Consider Googling "appropriate undergarments, half-marathon" sooner rather than later.


Tru Stories said...

For listing 3, 4 even 5 reasons why I am more sure than ever, that Running makes Zero Sense.
I'm considering hugging my mini-van, later this evening. As it should be the only mode, for me to travel 5 miles.

Munchkin said...

are bleeding nips what i think they are?

The Mrs. said...

You know it is, Munchkin! Vaseline quickly becomes a dedicated long distance runner's BFF.

The MC said...

And you do this, why????

The Page Turner said...

I was one marathon training blog post away from starting to train. Three words: Nips that bleed = butt that stays in chair!

Big Boca Bob said...

I don't know what you're talking about! I was approached by a modeling agency after today's run. Apparently, bleeding nips are in. Now if I could just make chaffed thighs sexy........

tlk said...

I don't know if I can read you anymore, Mrs. I can't stop cringing.


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