And not in a good way.
I don't know what it is. I'm sure this blistery cold weather is partly to blame, I can feel a cold coming on, and the end of the semester exhaustion I've been fighting for the last week has most certainly not helped my disposition. I might even admit that the post-wedding and birthday week celebration letdown is a factor as well. Whatever it is, though, something has taken over my body lately causing me to feel kind of down in the dumps. Before people (mom) get all worked up, I'm fine. No, really. I'm fine. Just fighting those ho-hum, let's-curl-up-in-this-blanket-and-shut-out-the-world-for-a-little-while kind of thoughts. I don't enjoy feeling this way, especially with all the holiday cheer coming from every direction, but it's okay. I feel like I have a decent handle on it so I'll just ride it out knowing it will soon pass.
What I don't enjoy about this current state of emotions is that by the end of the day I'm very short-tempered with the girls. It's not their fault that I'm feeling blah, and I think they're still a little young to get it when I tell them that mommy's not mad at them but she's feeling crabby because she's just not having a very good day. Snapping at them because I'm tired or being short with them for some minor issue is so unfair. I start the second half of my day counting down the hours until bedtime, and then thirty minutes after they've been tucked in I'm feeling like an ass for not giving them my best, which they most definitely deserve. Why is it that it's those we love most that end up always getting the short end of the stick?
You want to know the other thing I hate about these types of days? Embarrassing ugly cries at the most ridiculous events. Tonight I had to go into serious deep breathing exercises to keep the tears from falling (and falling hard) when in the middle of dinner Shortcake exclaimed, "Mom! My tooth! It's wiggling!". And indeed it was. Her first loose tooth. My reaction? Massive lump in throat, a forced smile, a "That's so exciting, honey!" affirmation, and heavy tears threatening to spill for a the next five minutes. I'm not kidding - I couldn't even finish eating my dinner, I was that emotional over a loose tooth.
Seriously, you guys. I'm bawling right now just reliving the moment. I'm so not in the right mind frame to accept the loss of baby teeth right now. Should that tooth extract itself before I shake this little funk I'm in, there's no telling the amount of ice cream it will take to bring me back.
Anyway, again, no need to call in the cavalry or start making med recommendations. All will be sunshine and giggles again soon. In the past almost three years this blog has taken on a life of a memoir of sorts of my life as a mom and wife, and days like these are just part of the deal. No sense not keeping it real, right?
I have high hopes that some alone time, a little retail therapy, and a "choose two" combo at Panera come Friday evening will be just what the theoretical doctor has ordered.