Wednesday, July 30, 2008

I May Have More Rage Issues Than I Initially Thought

Can anyone tell me what is it about this trio of brothers that causes me to experience an overwhelming desire to punch them square in the face every time I see their picture?
For those of you who don't know (General, I'm looking right at you), these are The Jonas Brothers - Kevin, Nick and Joe - and from what I've gathered they're the XY chromosome version of Miley Cyrus. Tween girls everywhere drool over the JoBro, and they were recently the stars in their own Disney Channel original movie (ala High School Musical) called Camp Rock. Relish, if you're reading this and feel I didn't give an accurate summary of this group please feel free to elaborate in the comments using your twelve year old expertise.

Anyway I like to think I'm a nice person, and I try really hard not to quickly judge others based on looks alone (aside: if you're sporting a mullet that totally voids any 'don't judge a book by its cover' rule. Just sayin'). I don't condone teasing, bullying, or unprovoked acts of physical violence of any kind especially when it involves anyone under the age of 18. I'm typically a peaceful person. A lover, not a fighter. So what is it about these three that seems to unleash this totally uncalled for mean streak in me? I wish I could stop these reflexive responses, but alas I can not. It's unsettling, a little disturbing even.
I've tried to narrow it down, and I think it's one of, or perhaps the combination of, the following three things:
  1. Their choice in clothing.
  2. Their hair.
  3. Their apparent inability to smile.

Let's begin with their choice in attire. In the past I've discussed my own fashion blunders, so I really shouldn't be throwing stones for fear of my glass house shattering. But really. Do any of you know any males, aged 15-20, that wear clothes like these?

Capri pants for men? I think not.


A top hat? Only if you're Abe Lincoln.


Lime green pants and skinny tie? The 80s called, and they want their fashion trends back.

On the subject of pants, has the pendulum swung so far to the other side that instead of low rider baggy jeans that expose the majority of the wearer's undergarments teens are now wearing jeans so tight I'm only left to wonder how in the world they ever get them on in the first place? Look at the oldest brother in the picture above. His pants are so tight he can't even properly place his hands in his pockets!

And not to be graphic or crude (and Relish, if you're still reading this please skip on down to the next paragraph. Thank you so much), but is it really a good idea for boys this age to be wearing pants that tend to *ahem* accentuate certain parts of the anatomy? Because from what I've gathered, boys this age tend to be easily, um, well, you know. Excited and stuff. And I'm just not sure that it's a wise fashion choice to be putting yourself out there, if you know what I mean. Plus, I imagine pants that snug make bathroom emergencies all the more urgent, and it just plain doesn't look like a very comfortable.

Moving on...

What's with the hair? I know there's a resurgence of the long haired hippy look on junior high and high school aged boys, and I'm okay with that. But at no time in history will I ever embrace the side swept bang look on an 18 year old boy. Especially when he pulls it off better than I do.

As for the other two, well, I guess their coifs are acceptable. A little shaggy for my own personal taste, but at this point their hair is the least of their worries as seen in the preceding pictures.

Finally, I can't stand it when famous people pose for pictures and never smile. The rule is that when a camera is aimed at you, you smile. It's the way of the world, the law of the land. So when celebrities act all suck-in-my-cheek-bones-while-looking-aloof-and-slightly-annoyed-with-all-of-the-fanfare-happening-around-me, it just irks me.


I mean no ill will toward these boys. I've never watched their movies nor, to my knowledge, have heard any of their songs; I'm sure they are very well-rounded, talented individuals. The appear to be more wholesome than others in their demographic, choosing to wear chastity rings and vowing to save themselves for marriage as opposed to appearing semi-naked on Vanity Fair or making the news with repeat visits to rehab. Perhaps my intense reaction to photographs (and the very existence) of this teen sensation has something to do with some kind of innate parental rejection of all things which appeal to and directly advertise toward young children. We're still solidly in the world of Dora, Sesame Street, and Mickey Mouse Clubhouse here at Casa de One Carbon Hill, but I'm sure the dawn of the Nickelodeon Tween Cult invasion is on the horizon sooner than I am willing to admit. For now, Miley is just the name of a little girl at the baby sitter's, and Zac Efron is just a face Shortcake recognizes as the guy in Elizabeth Taylor's favorite movie.

Is there anyone that elicits a similar reaction in you? Someone, by merely glancing at their picture or hearing a sound byte of their voice, makes you want to hit something? Even if there's not, please lie to me and tell me there is because I don't think I could live with the guilt of such violent thoughts otherwise.

9 comments:

Kelli said...

Great post! I feel the same way about this trio, so don't feel bad! Really, what is it about them that make kids go wild?? But, I think you did hit it right on with the three issues with them.

I have this same feeling about the TV show MASH. Every time I hear that song when it first starts, I immediately change the channel. I CANNOT stand that TV show, and i really don't know why! :)

you can call me al said...

From Relish - You're right about the clothes. Their hair is not that bad, I think. Seriously, why am I commenting about this? LOL, hee hee hee, hee hee hee (side note: It's past 10 p.m.)

AL was just typing whatever the tween said. And now Relish refuses to open her mouth until I post this for fear that she'll be quoted. :)We don't hear a lot about them around here. But I do always like it better when I can see BOTH eyes . . .

Parker said...

Well said, Mrs.,....however, I think back in our day we had Jonas Brothers, too. They answered to the name "New Kids on the Block"! That means, of course, these guys will fall off the charts for 20 years before staging a comeback! Unless, of course, they have "The Right Stuff" and can make it last!

Rikki said...

Any guy who flat-iron's his hair is bound to have issues.

These guys were on the cover of my Rolling Stone this month. I want to see grown-ups not some pretty-boys from the Disney channel.

Hanna Montana makes me want to put a fork in my eyeballs.

chief's wife said...

LOL! A couple of comments:

1. Boys really like the skinny jean look right now. In fact, some of them are forgoing their own jeans and wearing girls (aka Juniors) jeans instead. I had a kid in class who liked to brag about it. Gross.

2. I think the whole not-smiling thing is taken from Zoolander. Magnum - it's glorious!

The Mrs. said...

Thank you all for making me feel like less of a freak. Kelli, I'm not a fan of MASH either (something I didn't admit to until after the vows were exchanged) but for me it's the laugh track.

Relish, glad to see you've inherited the curse of the 10 o'clock giggles!

Please tell me you didn't just compare NKOTB to the Jonas Brothers, Parker. That's wrong on so many levels.

Amen, Rikki!

Yes, Chief's Wife! Blue steel, baby!

The MC said...

As to the MASH issue, I am in total agreement. We're obviously outlaws in this family, Mrs.

As for JoBro (I'm embarassed to admit I didn't even know who they were until a lady in my Pilates class took her kids to see them)I think it's their smirky I'm-too-cool-for-this look. Why can't our children's "role models" ever just look normal?

Swanny said...

*sounds of uproarious applause*
Working at a bookstore, I sell magazines with these guys' faces on them all. Day. Long. Ugh. But they (or any other celebrity) don't bother me as much as the media does for bringing us "news" stories updating every little thing in the celeb world. Who gives a flying fu.. uh, fortress.

I've got enough problems trying to keep track of what's going on with my own life, much less worry about whether or not Jonas Brothers are sleeping with Paris Hilton, while Britney stands in a corner crying because she has yet to adopted by Brangelina.

Who cares? Why?

jen said...

Those boys were on Ellen the other day and all I could think was someone get a comb, and some scissors.

Let's see, a celebrity who annoys me by sight or sound? Two words: Brittney Spears. Dear God, help me when I have teenagers.

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