Scavenger Hunts Are Officially My New Favorite Pasttime

Saturday night was the last girls night out for Cari as a single woman. On the agenda were pedicures, dinner, games, and a good old fashion slumber party complete with snacks & a movie. Cari's younger sister and their brother's girlfriend were our hostesses for the night, and believe me when I tell you that they had all the bases covered (including raunchy party favors). It was outstanding!

To kick off the festivities, Maria had planned a two team scavenger hunt to take place at Eastland Mall. The list was filled with tasks related to the upcoming wedding, marriage, my brother, and a few miscellaneous bachelorette themed tasks. Looking back on the evening, the underlying theme was really all about corruption.

Exhibt A: Corruption of a 12 year old. Cari's niece (and junior bridesmaid) was with us for the evening, and we learned very quickly that having her on our team was a great advantage. One, she's small enough to try on any size clothing very quickly. And two, she's young enough that we can convince her to do those tasks which we as adults are too embarrassed to do. Miss Destiny did draw the line at eating a dog biscuit.


Exhibit B: Corruption of Privacy. In this case, taking self-portraits inside the men's room, interrupting a innocent bystander's meal to hand them a napkin, and drive by photography of a mini-mullet by a man minding his own business while working at a mall kiosk.


Also on this list included stopping random married couples during their shopping to ask for marital advice for the new Mr. and Mrs., begging for dollars to be deposited in the wedding fund, and jonesing for business cards of single men.

Exhibit C: Corruption of the sanctity of marriage. Getting the phone numbers of five men, kissing a guy named Erik, proposing to someone, kiss a bald man's head...is there no respect for the vows of matrimony any more?!?!?



Exhibit D: Corruption of our pride. Two words: chicken dance.


Exhibit E: Corruption of the law. Within five minutes of entering the mall, our team was approached by mall security who gave us this (mostly) exact speech: "Bachelorette party. Scavengers hunts are not allowed unless it's been cleared with the mall office". After our initial response of "Are you serious or did the other team tell you to tell us that" we realized that homeboy was for reals. Not wanting to waste a moment we asked him if he'd at least take a picture with us (thus eliminating one more task on our to-do list). He refused saying something about him getting fired if the picture ended up on the Internet. As if.



This is the perfect place to note that my mother, who was on the opposing team, reportedly spent the majority of the hour long scavenger hunt fearing that she would end up incarcerated following a beatdown by mall security for violation of the "No Scavenger Hunt" policy. She went so far as to warn others on her team that she suspected one man as being "undercover" because clearly the employees at Eastland Mall have nothing better to do during the holiday season than run down ten women wearing "Last Fling Before the Ring" buttons. Also ironic: this fear of the law comes from the same woman who had no problem stealing lilacs from the local Baptist church. I guess we all prioritize our morals and ethics in different ways, and apparently for the mother of the groom the wrath of God holds no candle to the almighty power of mall security.

Thanks again to Cassi & Maria for the awesome night - I can't wait to see the grand unveiling of Poke & Cari: The Musical at the reception Saturday night!

Last Fling Before The Ring

Six days and counting until the wedding of the year*.

Go get 'em, girl!

(That year being defined as the calendar year 2009. Don't worry, The Bride - 2010 totally belongs to you & Drmmr7!)

Analyze This

Earlier this week my fellow July '04 BabyCenter mom, Meghann, posted this fun meme. I had never thought about the fact that after years of blog following I've never seen the handwriting of the people who write those blogs. Handwriting tells a lot about a person I think, so the idea of putting my penmanship for the world to see was intriguing. I'm willing to bet that the majority of the people reading this blog have seen my handwriting at some point, but for those of you who haven't the wait is over:


Now it's your turn, fellow blogging friends. Let's see it!

I Want My Mommy

Can I add one additional item to my list of things I will not miss when the girls' childhoods have passed?

Vomit. I will most definitely not miss vomit.

A little more than an hour ago I received yet another call from the wonderful secretary at Shortcake's school informing me that she was once again hanging out in the nurse's office. No, no fever this time around, just a little projectile vomiting during lunch to spice things up on a Friday afternoon.

Upon arrival at her school, I saw Shortcake dressed her in PE shirt and the ominous sight of the Wal-Mart bag containing her soiled shirt caught my immediate attention (after hugging and kissing my poor daughter of course). We came home where she was immediately snuggled by her daddy followed shortly by a thorough brushing of teeth. We set her up in bed with puke bucket at the ready and then I undertook the dreaded task of cleaning the shirt, stained only at the edges of the sleeves but still enough to induce a strong gag response and send me running to the bathroom just in case. Mom, I am willing to move to the Old El Paso if you promise to handle all puke related events. Give me sleepless nights, explosive poopy diapers, a little baby spit-up, tantrums, teething - I can handle it. Dealing with the aftermath of full fledged emptying of stomach contents? That is one area of motherhood that I am just not cut out for.

Following that horrid experience, I instantly began reorganizing my entire mental itinerary for the next 72 hours. Bridesmaid dress pickup appointment was canceled, pros and cons regarding whether or not I should still attend Cari's much anticipated bachelorette party tomorrow night were weighed, an entire Friday evening's planned events were rearranged. My head of spinning in four hundred different directions.

Only moments after I had canceled the appointment to pick up my dress for next weekend's wedding, The General and I realized that Shortcake was looking rather chipper for having lost her lunch only an hour before. It was then that a line of questioning by The General revealed the following pertinent information: Shortcake had seen something gross after eating her pizza lunch (specifically the garbage, probably after she emptied her tray now that I think about it) and gagged hard enough that she puked. The General's diagnosis following this conversation: She's fine. Dress pickup appointment back on.

Oh, the joys of being a mom.

Mr. Bananahead: The Sequel

Oh yes, there's more. Introducing one my very earliest (and most spectacular) works, written in the ever popular jumbo ten ink pen of the early 1990s purchased at the Claire's of Eastland Mall...

From The Dusty, Dirty, Dark Depths Of The OCH Attic

I present to you what is among one of the greatest literary works ever penned by a junior high student. How this has not yet been published is a mystery to me and, frankly, a crime against the arts.


(Click on each picture to truly enjoy the story in all its glory.)

Coming soon: The sequel to "Mr. Bananahead Goes Camping"

It Must Be An Aries Thing

I remember, on more than one occasion, listening to The General's mom tell stories about how her second born son was her best sleeper as a baby. That statement was usually immediately followed with stories of how The General was also the child notorious for coming up with excuses for staying up late when bedtime rolled around. I guess the apple doesn't fall too far from the tree because in just the last week I have been part of the following exchanges with Punkin as she states her case for why she can not stay in her bed:

"I need my window open."
"No, you don't. Get back in bed."
"But I need some a-yo*!"

"Get back in bed, Punkin."
"But mommy, I need to get my (looking frantically around the living room in search of a suitable object) puppy!"

"I need a drink."
"You're fine. Get back in bed."
"But I'm SO sursty**!"

"Go to bed, Punkin."
"But, I have to go to the bafroom!"

"Punkin! Get back to bed right now!"
"But mommy, I'm still scayuhed*** of the dawk****"

"Mommy, I can't go to bed. It's raining!"
"Well, it's not raining in your room. Now get in your bed!"

And after two hours of game playing last night she pulled out a new one, my favorite to date:

"Mommy?"
"What Punkin?"
"I just not a vewy good sweepuh*****"


*air
**thirsty
***scared
****dark
*****sleeper